Goodbye, good riddens
Happy, Happy New Year. I'm so excited for 2006. This year will bring promise for new beginnings, happy endings, treasured moments. (I'm taking a course at the Hallmark Institute.) Actually, I'm just glad 2005 is over. You see, last year was full of tin-wrapped memories--some hitting me personally while others had public concern.Here's my Top 10 Reasons For Yelping Hooray At The End Of 2005.
10. A broken heart: Everyone hates a broken heart, especially me because I'm a total love hoard. I've mended, but I feel so badly for poor Renee, Jennifer, and Jessica.
9. A tragic car accident: This wasn't a simple fender-bender. No, when I get into an accident, I have to completely annihilate my vehicle without proper insurance to pay for a replacement. Thank you, Maureen. You're true evil to YOURSELF.
8. Financial ruin: I'm so bad off, I've been removed from all credit reporting agencies. They won't even list my name and social much less a score. Maureen who?? Did you check the FBI?
7. Unemployment 4-times over: Ok, this isn't my fault. Honest. I did everything I possibly could to hold down a job, but nobody liked that I could'nt work an entire 40 hours and that I thought 9:30 was an appropriate start time.
6. Too many cops: Ok, I'm not a criminal, but apparently a lot of cops thought they needed to speak to me directly this year. In fact, I should coin 2005 The Year of the Cop. Sorry, Team Angry Monkey for delaying our Traverse City trip.
5. Braces: Three years! Three fucking years!
4. No health insurance: After years of well-paid jobs and secure premium health insurance, I'd become stupidly oblivious to the concerns of the uninsured. I beg for forgiveness, because there's nothing more infuriating than having to pay $70 for a month's supply of meds that keep you from having a stroke! Do I want to keep my $70 or do I want to have a stroke? $70? Stroke? $70? Stroke? Ahhhhh!
3. $6.10 Marlboro Lights: You can now get a 12-pack of Busch for less than a pack of cigarettes. My grandfather is laughing in his grave right now. In heaven, beer and cigarettes are free.
2. The Michigan economy: Thank you Mrs. Granholm and the Big Three. The good news is that there's bolstered opportunities for migrant and seasonal farm workers.
1. Hurricane season: Thanks to George Bush we had a record breaking hurricane season. He wanted us to be the best at everything, and damn it, we did it. For the first time in history, we were able to use the Greek alphabet to name Tropical Storms Alpha, Delta and Epsilon and Hurricane Beta. (Of course, I had to point out something, anything, no matter how inane, to blame on our presiding prez.)
Now that I've vented about 2005, it's time to extend thanks for the year. I'm in good health. My kids are incredible. And I've met lots of wonderful new people, namely many of you. Thanks to everyone who has emailed me personally concerning this blog. I'm a taint blushed but your encouragement keeps me moving on. Look for more to come.
posted by tanagrame @ 11:17 AM
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